A Courageous Change on the Horizon

If it seems I have been a bit distant in my blog writing as of late, I have.  There is a reason, and it is because I have been working harder on something else – searching to regain happiness in my work.  When I started this blog last October, it was during a time when I was feeling void of connection with people as a result of changes imposed by the pandemic.  Pineapple Courage has filled some of that void, but my everyday work post pandemic is still missing what I enjoy most.  I am making a change, a big one, and one that has taken significant courage.

The pandemic changed life as we know it and with that, my job also changed significantly.  I use to travel about 50% of the time, spending time face-to-face with customers or at our facility in Dallas with our team. This change left me with half of what I was doing, and I felt a major loss as the pandemic was still new in April of 2020.  I tried to fill the opening by picking up marketing for our company and reinventing how we interacted with customers through virtual innovation sessions.  While I appreciate all that I learned through that process, I also learned that Marketing is not something I am passionate about.  The one thing the pandemic has solidified in me is that I am passionate about people – interacting with them, learning from them, and most importantly helping others to love their jobs.  That is also why I started this blog.

After 15 months of searching for meaning, value and enjoyment in my position, I have not been able to recover it.  I asked for two different changes in my role, and they couldn’t be fulfilled.  I tried for months to hide my lack of happiness, but it was difficult to switch that off when I came home to my family.  They could see it, no matter how much I tried to smile through it.  I went through a myriad of feelings – loss of the job responsibilities I loved, anger towards the pandemic itself and guilt over not being happy when so many have lost so much more over the last year.  I was depressed for a while, feeling that I was letting my family down.  I had committed in my mind and said out loud to my family that we were going to be in San Antonio for at least 10 years.  I wanted both kids to be able to graduate from high school here in Texas.  The idea of making a career change and most likely having to move again felt like I was failing in that dream.  I also struggled with the idea of leaving my coworkers.  They are remarkable, caring people and I have felt the strongest sense of trust with them of any place I have worked.  After much consideration I realized that my decision is not personal or a reflection of anything that went wrong with relationships.  It is about happiness and not staying stuck in a life that doesn’t bring me joy.  

Getting through the emotions of change has been a long journey.  I am thankful to have my family.  They have stuck by me and supported me even when I was a bit unlovable.  I also started seeing a professional coach in March to help me sort through my emotions and more importantly, the thoughts and beliefs holding me back.  It has not been easy, but it has been worth it because I have decided to not be a victim.  I have decided to be accountable for my future and therefore my happiness.  This accountability included looking for a position that can better fulfill my desire to help others love their jobs while delivering outstanding business results.  My last day working in Texas will be July 13^th.  We will be starting a new chapter and moving to Virginia by early August.  I am excited to be starting a new position in the food manufacturing industry leading a company, something I’ve been talking and dreaming about for over 11 years.  

I will share more about my new position through LinkedIn but wanted to share with you, my readers, the journey I have been on.  I hope sharing my story and being vulnerable might help if you are also unhappy at work post-pandemic.  It has taken a lot of courage to make this leap of faith, but I know that it is going to be great!

~Natalie